1. |
High Contrast
02:18
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I will no longer be a sad sack 30-something
who’s still stuck leaning on all the self-hate I found when I was 21.
Back then, I thought all I deserved, or would become, was
a gutter drunk – a lonely, un-loveable fuckup.
The contrast’s high enough to see
all the lies being sold to me.
I’ve got everything I need,
I’ve got a life I finally want,
and I can start to believe.
So, where does it leave me?
Stuck in reverse with the gas tank empty.
There it goes again, that “woe is me”, that lack of agency.
I put a limit on this, call it a past life and move on from it.
Open the drawer - just burn the pages, I don’t need them anymore.
The contrast’s high enough to see
all the lies being sold to me.
I’ve got everything I need,
I’ve got a life I finally love,
and I can start to believe.
I’ve got everything I need,
I’ve got a life I finally want,
and I can start to believe.
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2. |
Quitters
02:51
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When your whole world turns to ice, I think you’ll realize
you don’t have one helping hand to melt.
You never bloomed, you never really tried.
Played it close to the chest, kept it to yourself.
I’d ask you what’s wrong, but I think I know enough.
I watch you killing yourself just trying to keep up.
So if this is right where I’m supposed to be,
why does it look so empty?
When it’s time for this to end, you’ll feign surprise,
like you didn’t see the years as they flew by.
There’s never been a better time to quit.
Aren’t you sick of all these fucking lies you live?
I’d ask you what’s wrong, but I think I know enough.
You’re killing yourself just trying to keep up.
So if this is right where I’m supposed to be,
why does it look so empty?
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3. |
Cavities
02:58
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I can’t believe my ears,
all that I can hear
are my own complaints.
I swore it off this year,
but I’ve taken every chance
to double down on it.
I show the worst parts of me:
my chipping teeth, my cavitites,
my projections, all my ego’s filthy lies.
I don’t know when to stay out of it,
to let it go, to learn to sit,
and feel more than this emptiness.
The weight of all my words,
it’s so fucking absurd.
They cause so much pain.
When it’s really about me
and a sense of scarcity,
it’s not what you deserve.
I show the worst parts of me:
my chipping teeth, my cavitites,
my projections, all my ego’s filthy lies.
I wanna share the better me:
my open heart, my honesty,
and know that I live with open eyes.
I’ll learn when to stay out of it,
to let it go, to learn to sit,
and feel into this endlessness.
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4. |
Old Maid
02:32
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Old maid in my bunk, can’t you see I see you giving up?
You used to have ambitious dreams,
but every night you end up here with me.
Yeah, you do!
We used to jump and touch the sun.
Remember how you used to shake my blood?
But now you sit indifferently,
and every night you end up just like me.
Yeah, you do!
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5. |
Rosey
03:15
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I woke up late again. I heard you moving around outside.
Hungover, hangin’ out, ‘til you can catch a ride.
Was it Sarah on the phone, asking where you went to hide last night?
Is it ever the last time?
You start spinning another stream of conscious lie,
and it’s so complicated I can’t keep track
of who’s left alive with their feet nailed down
to this unholy ground.
And you beg a promise:
“When I die, please don’t bury me in this town”
You said, “I’m leaving someday soon.”
I said, “I know, I’m leaving too.”
and “I can feel the distance already, now can we go get some food?
I’ll take you back to Jackson, and maybe catch a movie too”
And “just for a minute pretend that everything’s cool.”
Because this is the last night,
and it’ll probably be the last time
that you start spinning another stream of conscious lie.
It’s so complicated, I can’t keep track
of who’s left alive with their feet nailed down
to this unholy ground.
You beg a promise:
“When I die, please don’t bury me in this town”
So, I close my eyes, I try to listen sweetly.
I hear the snowplows nearby, salt crackling under my feet.
And I can hear you breathing like the wind
through the limbs of the old oak tree.
I’m gonna miss you.
You start spinning another stream of conscious lie.
It’s so complicated, I can’t keep track
of who’s left alive with their feet nailed down
to this unholy ground.
You beg a promise:
“When I die, please don’t bury me in this town”
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6. |
Left Shoes Jimmy
03:35
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Did you hear the singing knives?
They said it’s not how Six Gun Jimmy died.
Franky With the Two Left Shoes
tried to get out but he found he couldn’t live like me and you.
Keep stacking the weight
long enough and you might break.
I don’t wanna fix you anyway,
I just wanna hang around.
Did you see her in the TV as?
Danni with the golden throat that sounds
like she’d never done bad.
Tried to put that heart to work.
Come to find your good intentions
are worthless.
Keep stacking the weight
long enough and you might break.
I don’t wanna fix you anyway,
I just wanna hang around.
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7. |
In The Shade
02:46
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Long and dark, blooming in the shade,
shaking out of the husk I used to occupy.
I can pull myself back together.
Stitch by stitch, hand over hand.
I can try to build a life that I love.
There’s a chance that this can all go to plan.
Holding on to my little cup for grace,
waiting on the day that I feel sure of this,
knowing it may never come.
I can pull myself back together.
Stitch by stitch, hand over hand.
I can try to build a life that I love.
There’s a chance that this can still go to plan.
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8. |
Last Looks
02:02
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It’s been a while since I’ve been here, and I forgot how bad it feels.
Why does it always have to fall on my shoulders?
You got mud on your shoes, and you tracked it in my house.
I cleaned it up, and now you’re the one who’s losing out.
I don’t owe you anything.
No last looks, no explanation.
I get lost in daydreams, and at night I still can’t sleep,
wondering all the ways this could’ve gone differently.
Like if I finally gave it up, finally stopped giving in,
finally just talked nice, and realized it’s not a game that I can win.
I don’t owe you anything.
No last looks, no explanation.
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9. |
Gideon
03:26
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You picked me out of a crowd and lifted me up.
I must have looked so simple in my sweater and good boy haircut.
Stumbled down to GRC and got blacked out.
Brazen, brassy, bellowing over Oak and Chestnut.
I got wrapped up in your web before too long:
Skipping classes, skipping phrases, skipping shadows on the wall.
Crying midnight calls, and blurry boundaries.
And these lines give proof that you exist, but it’s just not the proof I need.
This was never gonna end well.
It’s so hard to love you now,
but I’m holding so much hope
that the dark might let you out.
It’s been so long that I don’t know where to start.
I know your head can’t be that empty, so it must be your shrinking heart
picking fights when you know I’ll take the bait,
and the longer this goes on the more I think you like the pain.
This was never gonna end well.
It’s so hard to love you now.
But I’m holding so much hope
that the dark might let you out
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10. |
Old Maid (Reprise)
01:33
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11. |
Sold In Bunches
03:31
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